It was 1995 when I arrived in Amsterdam for a study-abroad semester of university. My Opa came from Amsterdam so for me that was as good a place to discover Europe as any. 

 

During those four months I fell in love with Dutch culture, architecture and history. I also experienced a major awakening of passion for English literature, poetry and philosophy. I began to search for answers about human nature, happiness and the art of living.

 

This period marked a major turnaround in my interests. I realized that my interest in politics and history was only secondary to my interest in the inner life.

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For the next few years, I read as much as I could and tried to figure out how to put my passion for studying human nature to good use. The breakthrough came when I attended a weekend training for life coaching, in Washington DC. There I discovered a whole new world, where my intuitive, empathic and communication skills came fully alive.

Fast forward to 2006. I was living in the golden hills of northern California, earning my PhD in psychology. I had gone through a lot of growth and healing. Carl Jung was my role model and I also read many Eastern and Western books on mysticism.

That summer, I spent a lot of time in meditation and solitude, intensely focused on spirituality. My dreams were vivid and magical. 

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One morning, prompted by a Zen teaching, I began to experience an intense inner stillness of mind and a profound shift of identity. I was the same person and yet I was also a kind of pure consciousness. My mind was slowing down and was incredibly lucid.

A few days later, I was at a restaurant by the Pacific ocean and felt intoxicated with inner bliss and stillness. I felt like a space alien from different planet. At one moment, suddenly, my whole body was seized by heavy, rapid breathing. I let it happen. I had no control.

 

Then, in an instant, a veritable lightning bolt of energy flashed upward through my body and the world disappeared. I lost all awareness.

When I came back to ordinary awareness, I was sitting at the table in supreme peace, as if reborn. Some soft laughter came out of my mouth, and I heard my friends say "I guess he's okay."

 

I felt reborn. I can't express what this was like. It was as if I had exited human life and come back, liberated and renewed, filled with an inexpressible kind of love or bliss that was also wisdom. All at once. 

My life was changed and for many months I experience an intense, holy silence and clarity of mind. People noticed I was entirely different and some would just say "Whatever happened, I'm happy for you."

In time, I began talking to groups about spiritual awakening. But somehow, something about the spiritual enlightenent circles seemed very wrong. Of course there was a lot of ego, but intellectually there was also a great deal of denial and brainwashing about what "being human" meant -- as if these Eastern-types had the absolute, full truth and other visions were invalid.

For example why was the Buddha or Shankara taken to be entirely correct about the nature of ultimate reality and not the Christian mystics, Jewish kabbalists, Indigenous elders, or countless other views out there? 

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Many spiritual teachers in "nonduality" circles speak honestly about their own experience of higher consciousness, but they tended to assume that their views about ultimate reality are therefore correct and have absolute authority. 

 

I came to feel that what we call Life, God, consciousness, or Self is still infinitely beyond anyone's understanding. We can say that certain thoughts are illusions and that people cling to a small, mental self-image that isn't real, but does that mean the entire created universe and this human life has no meaning? I don't think so. 

So it seemed to me that many traditional, and also modern, spiritual teachings were dismissing all this richness and advising people to simply ignore their thoughts, be loving, or accept "everything" without actually showing them how to understand their own psyche. This creates countless seekers who remain very confused for decades, who can repeat all kinds of spiritual teachings but have no comprehensive insight. 

Worst of all, it creates a very heady, fake kind of enlightenment when people cling to a meditative, static awareness that allows them to deny all the shadowy, seductive egoism and suffering that still lingers in them. In this mindset it's easy to consider oneself part of the awakened tribe -- and to believe that this form of spirituality -- and its globalist, leftist political outlook -- reflects the pinnacle of human wisdom.

I beg to differ. And I have seen enough blatant hypocrisy, self-contradiction, and confusion among spiritual teachers and their students to fill a few books. 

 

I am not going to write those books. Instead, I am just going to share a vision of psychological and spiritual growth that is more down to earth, heart-centered and practical than most of what I see out there. It's a way of accessing conscious presence and then using it to illuminate the darkness --- with the understanding that our unique personality is the vehicle for our growth. You get to remain who you are at a core, soul level, while also refining, uplifting, and empowering your vision on many levels. 
 

I came to feel that as profound as my inner experience had been, what was more important was the person I became along the way. I became a human being.
 

Yes, my intuitive gifts were empowered and expanded by my spiritual experience, but in many ways it was the simple love, humor and compassion that was still the best in me.  My capacity to accept, understand, and love my family members, friends and patients was the most important quality -- as well as to courageously face the difficulties in my own life. 

 

I often think that in some sense, I went through all this seeking -- and finding -- so that others might take a simpler road. 

In 2024, I return to the city of Zwolle in the Netherlands to offer small group teachings. I now speak intermediate Dutch and have been visiting almost every year. I always feel a deep sense of homecoming and happiness to see many people again, some of whom I've known for 10 years now. 

We are all companions on this  special Earth journey. There are many difficult experiences and painful realities on our planet, but there is also the possibility of becoming a more conscious, kind and empowered person.

Then you not only enjoy your life more but are also far more capable of enhancing the lives of those around you, in whatever way you are called. 

I look forward to meeting you on the Way.