Integrating the Feminine

I was speaking with a couple about the emergence of the feminine in the woman. She had been traumatized sexually and had been reluctant, even now, many decades later, to be deeply vulnerable and open to her husband. But it was happening. A new, deeper and softer approach to intimacy was suggested to them, by myself, in order to save their marriage and get them in energetic touch with each other again. 

At one point she noted that we see on social media various messages to women about being tough and independent. I began to say that this is a superficial and merely cognitive approach to empowerment. An empowered woman does not make reactive, adolescent statements about not needing anyone. She has integrated and accepted her natural femininity and this allows her to come into contact with the positive masculine -- both within her and in her man. She is strong not through rigidity or reactivity but through clarity of consciousness. This clarity, plus love, brings wisdom. She then relates to her husband, or to the world, as it is in each moment, realizing that what we call society is not a monolithic entity but a multifaceted flux of relationships. Therefore she does not find herself up against an intractable patriarchy all the time. She encounters various elements of something we might call a patriarchy, but it is not the only thing she finds in the world.

Most importantly she has overcome her own self-rejection. She has not allowed herself to become entirely hardened and rigidified by her wounding; she is not animus-ridden, resentful and angry. She has allowed for healing to bring softness inside but also strength. 

We talked about the archetype of the Queen, or a princess, or any empowered woman, really. The Queen is gracious, feminine and also strong. She does not walk around with a sword but she carries a hidden dagger. The dagger symbolizes the self-protective capacity for aggression, and for making a discernment, a slice, between one thing and another. It is there when she needs it.